When Ben began seventh grade, we began to notice pieces of paper folded or in some cases wadded up just laying around the house. We began to read them to see if they were important enough to keep. We discovered that Ben was writing about all of his frustrations at school and at home. We collected some and found that he is a gifted writer at expressing his feelings. I will include some of them as this blog proceeds.
Looking back Ben’s mother and I believe Ben’s years in the public school system were most unhappy for him. We believe in public education especially since I am a retired teacher and she teaches second grade now in the public school system. If we had it to do over, we would make every effort to find a type of education that would have better fit his needs. He definitely needed to be in a very small class situation where he could get a great deal of one on one instruction. I am not suggesting that the public schools cannot meet the needs of your particular child. In Ben’s case, not a lot was known at that time how best to teach Asperger children. Hopefully, methods have improved. Here are two of Ben’s writings that we found and they were written when he was about fourteen years old:

“You say you want to help, yet the problem still persists.
You try to help me understand, but shortly after, you desist.
You want me to do better, yet you only hold me back.
You are always trying to raise my hopes,
But from all this, confidence I lack.
None of your ideas or plans are ever followed through.
I’m just some kind of circus freak to entertain you.
To those who do not understand, (the vast majority),
You’d stay at home and weep all day
If you knew how it felt to be me.”


“Class begins as the tardy bell rings.
I rush to get inside-I barely make it.
I quickly grab my calculator and my math book.
“Great! Homework on a weekend,” I say.
Only to be interrupted by a flash of the overhead.
A Warm-up.
I understand none of the formulas or the equations
Or the problems, or the stress
That comes with having to learn and understand
All these random equations and symbols.
The warm-up is over.
Everyone else understands the explanations
Of how she got this number or that number.
I haven’t even lifted my pencil.
I struggle to understand Algebra once and for all.
I try to comprehend the formulas and numbers and signs.
But it only hurts my feeling of self worth.
And there’s the bell.”

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Filed under: Asperger SyndromeBen's View

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